So here's the thing. I can't have more anymore kids. Despite my ultimate desire to be pregnant again, and have another baby, it's just not in my future.
After having my blood clot, i had to have my tubes tied, because getting pregnant can cause a lot of complications to my health. At first, Andy and I wanted 2 kids. My pregnancy was hard and I only got to really enjoy 2 months of it. Labor was hard, and the complications with my health directly after swayed Andy and I to commit to having just one.
Now that Atreyu is older (almost 4!), I have that insane baby itch. But, it's also kinda a blow to me, unable to have kids... That's what being a woman is about right?! Lately, a ton of my friends are getting pregnant. It's bittersweet for me. On one hand i think: Good for them! She's such a cute pregnant lady! On the other hand I'm jealous and yeah, a little bit bitter. I find myself thinking : Thanks for rubbing it in my face. I know my pregnant friends aren't doing that, but all the pictures of the adorable baby bumps, ultrasounds, and beautiful pictures of your newborns stab at my desire to have a baby.
Don't get me wrong. I love my family dynamic, more than anything. The three of us are perfect together. Mommy and Daddy on the sides of the couch and Atreyu sprawled in between us. He gets our full attention, no competition with other kids, we're financially able to provide everything he may need or want. I also worry about him being an only child. He seems to be lonely sometimes, wanting some one to play on his level. We do do that with him, but our bodies are old, and can only crawl on the floor for a limited time. I'm sure starting school will help with that though.
Anyways, I'm rambling.... I really am happy for my pregnant friends. Congrats to you guys. But for the sake of my happiness, I'll probably not comment a whole lot on your pictures, or posts about being pregnant. It's nothing personal, honestly.